The Best Singers

A lot of people ask me who I think are the best singers, who influenced me vocally and how they should invest their savings.  To all inquiries I give the same answer:  Tomato.

Yes.  Tomato.

In some cases I then proceed to moon them and chase them screaming “I AM THE GOAT JESTER!!!!”  Most of the time, they run away playfully laughing along with me; but they just don’t understand what I’d do to them if I caught them… No… They never understand until they’ve been in my basement for a few hours and even then, they think it’s all some joke.  Some even laugh when I tell them the Old Ones will be returning to claim them soon… They don’t laugh for long, though… No… Never for long…

Ahem.

Where was I?

Oh right!  Singers.  Yes.  I like singers.  Well, I like GOOD singers.

“Oh my, Jas!  How very SNOBBY of you!”

To that I simply say, “Tomato.”

What makes a good singer?  Well, believe it or not, it doesn’t always have to do with technical ability.  Celine Dion has fantastic control and all that shiznit; but very little soul–as far as I’m concerned.  Yes, in this blog, we’re only concerned with what concerns me.  If you would like to add to the conversation then simply post a comment.  Stop bothering to talk to your monitor to tell me how great Celine Dion is–I can’t hear you and you’re scaring the children in the library trying to do their homework… We’ve talked about this.  Now behave and comment like a normal human being and stop fanboying Celine Dion in public; it’s not natural for a person of your age.

Now, let’s talk about singers…

What makes a good one?  Lots of things.  There’s your technical ability (for the Celine Dion fanboys), pure range, power, swagger/strut/persona, quality, delivery and so on and so forth.  You can never count out the quality of the material that the singer is singing, though… Never, ever, ever count that out.  Some singers can sing the phonebook and you’d still let them have you; but others couldn’t sing “Jingle Bells” if you paid them–and not just because they’d be too fucked up on their drug of choice either!

Imagine Frank Sinatra trying to sing “Enter Sandman.”  I’ll wait for you to stop pissing yourself laughing… For those who don’t know, “Enter Sandman” is a Metallica song.  Here’s the funny thing… MANY people believe ole blue eyes was one of those cats who could sing the phonebook and it would be beautiful… Nope.  I suppose I wasn’t being entirely fair, though… It’s fucking hard to jump that many genres and still be effective.  Your beloved Celine Dion couldn’t sing a real rock song if you held her cat at gunpoint–no, don’t bother, I’ve HEARD her try to do “edge” and yeah… Try again, fanboy.  But it’s cool, dude!  TRUST ME… Not many people can span all genres effectively.  Those that “can” usually are only able to interpret a genre that is a fit for their style and vocal delivery.  Thom Yorke can sing hard rock–BUT ONLY BECAUSE HE DOES IT IN HIS OWN STYLE.  I use him because he likes to jump from electronica to hard rock to indie ballads and so on and so forth (and because we’re on the subject of fanboys–Jesus, that dude has PLENTY of those, sheesh!)

At this point, though, I’m not really telling you something you don’t already know–you just may not have thought of it.  We like to think that our favorite singers are the bomb-dizzle and they can pretty much handle anything.  It’s not that it’s not true, it’s just that your favorite singers oftentimes (especially in this day in age) are usually only singing songs they wrote or love or know intimately.  No one can pick up a song in every genre and kill it.  It’s impossible.  John Lennon could scream but he wouldn’t have been able to sing scream-o.  Not without some practice anyway.

So as I lay the foundation for this, I suppose I’ll toss you some names.  That’s what you want, isn’t it?  You want me to name some names so you can either tell me I’m right or I’m wrong.  Lists.  Gawddamn the internet loves some fucking lists, amirite?  Alright, beyotches… Here’s some lists:

It’s always hard to pick who goes first…

Have you eaten today?  I just want to make sure you’re getting your vitamins and minerals, ya know?  Can’t be too healthy, now can you?

…

What’s that?

Yeah… I like to call this stalling; but you can call it stalling if you like…

Sigh.

Here’s the thing; no matter who I say first, it won’t matter.  I don’t HAVE a favorite singer; but you’re going to think that I’m either blowing smoke or trying to garner points with the hipsters or majority or what not.  I honestly don’t know where to start, which is also a problem.

Therefore, I guess I’ll just start listing things I like to hear in a singer.  I like a big bluesy-ass, soulful voice.  I like a cat that can put some stank on it and really testify–but I don’t dig it when they go all overboard and take it too far to church, ya dig?  I really like rock vocalists that have a lot of grit and power; but I don’t love screamers or falsetto rock muppets–I wasn’t a huge fan of a lot of hair bands or the early hard rock/metal guys.  Doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate what they did; just not my style.

Hmmm… Who goes first?

Fuck it… David Ruffin.  WHENEVER I think good singer or someone I wanted to “sound like,” David Ruffin is always topping the list; no shit.  He had squawk, he had power, he had range and emotion and I fucking LOVE the way he sang “Ain’t Too Proud To Beg.”  All my life I’ve wanted to be in this man’s league and that there is how it is.

Steve Marriott.  More of a tenor/high-voiced little bastard; but holy shit did he have soul!  I discovered this cat later in life (later in MY life–not that I’m old) and I was a real fan of what he did in The Small Faces.  I liked Humble Pie okay; but yeah… I prefer the earlier shit–sorry America; I believe I’ll have to side with my British Mod friends–I LOVE the Small Faces.  Great shit.  Marriott is missed.

Dave Matthews.  Yep.  I went there.  Piss off and take a pint for the road, pard if you can’t understand this one.  I know a lot of you hate this man’s voice and I truly couldn’t give a rat’s ass.  This dude projects his fucking lifeblood through the mic to a gazillion people a gazillion times a year and always pulls it off.  Doesn’t matter if you think he’s only for stoner frat guys–he isn’t, by the way.  Would he be considered a “traditionally” good vocalist?  Yes.  Why?  It’s all about believability and emotion and delivery–this dude brings it.  Power, emotion and he fucking BELIEVES what he says.  Awesome.  Well done, Dave.  (and this was one of the dudes who “sounded” like me and made me believe that I could also sing the way I sing and not ‘sound like guys on the radio’)

Let’s just get it out of the way… John Mayer.  Sigh.  Yes, yes, I know… But this is about singers that I LIKE, not who YOU like–so really, just calm your nerves, damn you.  Why, oh why could I possibly put John Mayer in this fucker?  Same reason as Dave Matthews.  Dude puts his all into that shit.  AND… yes AND… AND I got a dvd of his–Any Given Thursday–back when I was trying to get it in my head that I could sing my own shit.  John was breaking out like a motherfucker and I had heard “Why Georgia” at the bar and at karaoke clubs (it’s a Nashville thing, don’t ask) and I wanted to see what dude could do live.  I was immediately like, “HOLY FUCKING SHIT, DUDE!  I MIGHT NOT BE INSANE TO WANT TO SING MY OWN SHIT IF THIS GUY IS DOING THIS!!!”  Now, John… If you’re reading this, first off… Hello.  Second off, Thank you for reading.  Third, I like your voice quite a lot and I spent a lot of time listening to your early music and seeing a lot of myself in what you said.  THAT BEING SAID, I am perfectly justified in saying that if you could do it then so could I.  A lot of the music I was writing at the time was a lot like the music you wrote on “Inside Wants Out.”  I thought our voices sounded somewhat similar (obviously I was only noticing that neither of us sound like Creed or Incubus or Papa Roach or whatever the fuck was popular at the time) and it really gave me some hope that I could make my music and not have to sound like one of the fuckers on the radio at the time–for that, John, I thank you, Sir.

While I’m on the subject of not making any hipster friends, Scott Weiland.  Fuck yeah, man.  I love this guy’s voice!  Let’s get beyond the grit and style and attack he has… Lets just talk about sheer scope.  Listen to the range of sounds this guy can pull off.  Damn near no two Stone Temple Pilot’s songs sound the same.  He changes not only the way he sings each one but the damn timbre and quality of his voice as well.  That’s pretty impressive whether you like him or not.

Here’s an easy one everyone will agree with (at least I think):  Kurt Cobain.  Dave Grohl said something to the effect of Kurt sounding like he was gargling razorblades in battery acid–this is a very good thing for a rock singer.  I agree.  That man could sing grit and pain like the old blues greats only in a rock setting–it was fucking awesome.  Kurt was a force of nature when he sang.

Sam and Dave.  Instantly recognizable.  Both of em were great.  Lots of POW!  Lots of grit and grumble; but sweet melodies and catchy, hooky, ear-noms.  I don’t know their entire catalog; but if their hits are any indication, I’ve got to make more time to delve into the other cuts.

I almost feel like I’m obligated to say the next one:  Steve Winwood.  I do like this guy.  I do get compared to this guy a whole fuckload; but I gotta tell you… I don’t hear it.  A lot of people say I sound like him–I have pressed the issue when people say it just to get what they mean.  So far, all I can gather is it’s the quality or timbre AT TIMES of our voices that are similar.  I don’t sing like him or in the same style or anything like him, actually; but hey, it’s a huge compliment and I don’t mean to be a little bitch about it.  Just that I don’t hear it at all.  Either way, I dug all the Blind Faith stuff and what I have heard of Traffic wasn’t too bad.  The eighties stuff was pretty catchy and all the resurgence stuff is cool–that man is kicking mad ass live after all these years, just awesome.  I will tell you this, I hope to fuck my voice is HALF as good as his after I’ve been doing it as long as he has.  Cheers, Steve, man–you’re a helluva great singer!

I’m going to make an unpopular choice with the non-hipster crowd here:  Thom Yorke.  No, I’m not sucking up to Radiohead.  No, I haven’t imbibed of the kool-aid.  Do I think he has an awesome voice?  Nope.  Kind of whiny and thin, if you ask me… BUT… I am a singer and I work hard on my voice.  If Thom didn’t, then he is naturally blessed with excellent control and technique.  It’s a singer thing.  I respect how he uses his instrument even if I don’t particularly find the sound to be the most impressive I have ever heard.  Seriously though, I’ve heard a lot of live stuff from this guy in a myriad of settings and soundscapes and he is damn near always on.  That’s tough.  So mad respect, Sir Yorke (oh you better believe they’ll knight his ass one day… get used to it).

Lowell George.  Hell fucking yes!  Most of you know this dude because of a song called Dixie Chicken.  The band he fronted was Little Feat–the baddest ass groove rock band like fucking ever.  But let me tell you, oh people… If you haven’t heard “Fat Man In the Bathtub” from ‘Waiting on Columbus’ (LIVE I might add) you haven’t heard shit.  First off, it’s a motherfucking badass groove song and second, Lowell sounds amazing on that bad boy.  Lowell, Brother man, you shall be missed greatly.  What an awesome band.

Here’s another odd one that you may have to be British to get–or a fanboy–but I dig Liam Gallagher’s voice.  He’s got a great quality to it and he’s definitely used it in unique ways.  Now, A LOT of the live shit I’ve heard from this dude sucks donkey balls; but a few live performances have been pretty damn inspired.  Regardless, the studio cuts were phenomenal.  I like Oasis a lot–great tunes and the delivery was spot on.  Well done, Liam, you ole geezer, well done.  (as I understand it, a “geezer” is a good thing in Mancunian)

In the interest of not being a chauvinistic prick (sorry, Ladies… I’m a MALE singer, so most of the singers I have looked up to have been men; but not all…) I would like to give love to a woman who I have absolutely loved since the moment I heard her.   (VOCALLY loved, my darling wife, Gangsta Vicki… Please put down the gun!)  Sara McLachlan.  Fuck yeah, dudes and dudettes!  She is absolutely incroyable (though, in interest of not talking about a French Fop, let’s just say, Sara McLachlan is the shiz-nitto-bang-bang!)  She has the most beautiful voice and she really has had some fecking great songs.  I’d have to say that she is my favorite female vocalist of all time.  Word.

John Lennon.  Yep.  I love his damn voice.  He had so much great grit and power.  I should preface this by saying the unpopular following statement…  Ahem.  I like John Lennon’s voice when he was being produced by George Martin and the stuff that he did with the Beatles.  Yeah, fine, the Plastic Ono Band had some great stuff too; but it was a little too “one take” for me… You know, like a lot of indie rock now; a lot of flubs and clams were left in.  I prefer when a vocalist takes their time, does some real work on getting that fucker absolutely as perfect as they can make it.  The later songs, while arguably more interesting in content, were a lot looser.  It’s a testament to his ability that the later stuff could hold a candle to his Beatles work considering the “importance” of said earlier work.  I know MANY of you will disagree with that; but it doesn’t mean we can’t drink beer together.  I’ll even drink PBR with you, how’s that?  I agree that sometimes a rough, out of tune take can be the money take–especially if there’s a real energy to it; but you should be able to agree with me that sometimes it just comes off sloppy and who gives a fuck? ya know?  A lot of singers/bands will just throw it on there and never ever work to get it any better.  I get that many bands want the kind of ethos that is “too cool to care” personified; but there’s also craftsmanship and quality.  Not always do these things have to be on opposite sides of the coin… Nirvana.  That is all.

 

So at this point, I guess I’m just gonna call it.

I could go on forever and ever about different reasons why I like a vocalist or a vocal performance on a particular song.  I will posit that I very well may come back and add to this list–seriously, I’m fucking neurotic that way.  So let’s do this:

Hit me up in the comments.  Tell me your favorites.  Rip my favorites apart.  Hell, I might even agree with you… I tried to put up vocalists who had influenced me in the past and had helped shape my idea of myself in even the most remote or strange way.  I agree that some on this list may or may not be considered CONVENTIONALLY a great singer; but I hope I gave some decent enough supporting clauses to help steer your understanding towards not trolling me.  But as always, a differing opinion is welcome and feel free to be verbose and long-winded in the comment section.

Tell me what you think.  Tell me who you love.  Hang on to tell me who you hate… We’ll do a separate blog for that, alright?

In the meantime, thanks for reading and I hope you dug it.  You should probably get back to work now.  Remember, I’m good lunch time/work time reading.  I never have nudie pics and although the language is coarse, there’s no way I’m blocked on your work computer–I’m under the radar, baby!

Oh, and if you haven’t heard me or my music, I’m up there on the top right hand side of your screen.  You can get some free music of mine by going to my site.  No strings, just enjoy it.  They tell me I’m a pretty good singer, myself; but if you disagree, feel free to your opinion and go fuck yourself.  Hugs and kisses interweb dwellers.